The juggle is real

Dear Reader,

The juggle between personal and professional life is real. Let’s start from the beginning, In 2016 I came into a relationship with my best friend, let’s call her ‘The Ex (X from here on)’. As the relationship grew, I grew fonder of her and even more in love. However, when a person shifts from school to college there is a great deal of transition that takes place, insecurities eat up a person. I was a science student and had shifted to a management degree in my bachelors, hence professionally even though the transition had taken place, I still felt a great deal of change taking place, on the top of that, X told me that she is going to Canada for her further studies, this decision was not taken over a long period of time but it was a very sudden decision as she was earlier going to pursue CA in India. She did ask me though if I will be fine with her going to Canada as it might affect our relationship, of course I told her to choose her career over me, that’s the bare minimum I could have done and since I was completely in love, I told her that I’ll be happy to be in a long distance relationship with her. Life became a bit difficult post she went, I missed her dearly. To be honest I was immensely jealous of everyone around her, however I was never insecure, she on the other hand didn’t trust me a lot and I do get her side on this but I was extremely loyal throughout. I never wanted to break up, however she started feeling she is not a part of my happiness anymore as I tried to hang out with my friends more often, as I did feel a bit lonely without her. She left me after 10 months of a long distance, I was heart broken. I struggled in college, my exams were near when that happened and it was a tough time. Cut to march 2020, she came back to India due to the COVID scenario, we started talking again, we met a few times during the latter half of 2020, however some unresolved feelings and issues caught up, they had to sooner or later. She went back after a bad fight as she was done with me again, I became miserable again and I was on square one again. X started dating someone a month after she went back, It has been difficult as I didn’t really get any closure and what hurts the most is to see her move on quickly ( this might make me sound a bit petty), however now I have a void to fill within myself and as I go on, I have to slowly erase her memories. While all of this was happening, I gave about 28 interviews in my final year of college. It was a steep learning curve. I was rejected by a lot of firms, sometimes due to luck and sometimes due to my own stupidity. In the end I was lucky to finally land 2 jobs, however what I found was much bigger than these 2 jobs. I got clarity in the process. I got to know what I wanted to do, well, at least what I want to do next.

In this process I have learnt somethings, there are a few things in your control and there are a few things that are just dumb luck. Now I know most of you are already aware about what I am going to say, but I’ll be honest, this is more for me than for you, as I believe a writer should first write for himself and then for everyone else. It is difficult to break the biases that you earlier created, the fact that I thought she is probably the love of my life is very difficult to erase however I have to erase it, or else I will never take the first step towards my happiness. It is this belief that lets humans move on. Letting go is hard, it is definitely not how it looks after romanticising it in movies or pop culture, however it is important. Letting go without a reason is harder but life just gives you a set of controllable and uncontrollable factors, What I control is now what I choose to do with myself and this begins the journey or the struggles that I will face in the process and I invite you to take the journey with me.

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